Friday Light: A Craigslist Halloween Horror Story

Once upon a time there lived a happy husband and a happy wife who lived in a happy home. This happy couple made their living acting, singing, and (sometimes to the mild dismay of the happy husband) dancing. Being actors, they were frequently between jobs and needed their ingenuity and creativity to create revenue for their happy home. As their spooky story unfolds, we visit the happy couple exactly three years ago to the day.

***

“This guy on Craigslist wants someone to do his makeup for his Halloween office party. He wants to go as an old man,” said the happy husband. “He’ll pay.”

“Go for it,” said the encouraging, happy wife.

The happy, and industrious, husband felt confident with his abilities having played numerous older characters in various theatrical productions. He knew he’d make this twenty-something office worker age 40-50 years with about forty-five minutes of makeup magic.

He contacted the office worker, they struck a deal, and made financial arrangements: $100 for about an hour or work. Jackpot. He couldn’t wait to tell his wife.

“Yeah, so he’ll pay $100 and we worked it all out. He’s gonna come over here at 6:00 Friday morning, I’ll do his makeup, and we’ll get some cash. Nice huh?” Her expression was clear. To him it read: what did you just say?

“So, if I hear you correctly, this guy from Craigslist is coming over to give you money so you can do his makeup? Is that right?”

Something about hearing his happy wife say it back to him cast doubt on the happy husband’s decision.

Three years ago today, that Friday morning plan entailed the following measures:

  • The happy wife would stay upstairs. She had the fire escape ladder at the ready if she heard any kind of skirmish.
  • The happy husband’s wallet was stripped of most of its valuables, except for a few items to make it appear ‘normal’ should the wallet be requested by wanting-to-look-old-office-guy.
  • All sharp objects were hidden.
  • The happy husband put one knife in his sock, resting against his right calf. . . just in case.

Preparations complete, the office worker arrived at the agreed time. He seemed nervous.

Why is he nervous? the happy husband thought. Maybe I’ll have to use that knife. Oh, dear.

The husband acted calmly. It was, after all, what he did: acting. With each new wrinkle formed on office-worker’s face via Ben Nye’s shadows and highlights, both the office worker and the happy husband got the results they wanted. Office worker looked old. Happy husband got paid. No one got hurt, and the happy husband was given an extra $20 tip from the happy office worker.

A happy Halloween.

***

Today, to commemorate not being robbed (or worse) by an office worker pretending to be old, the happy husband reenacted the events of the day. But this time, it was without the aid of Craigslist, for HE become that wanting-to-look-old-office-guy.20111028-075759.jpg

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9 thoughts on “Friday Light: A Craigslist Halloween Horror Story

  1. Oh well done, Andrew! Great makeup….I left my Ben Nye makeup with the school in Singapore, as a donation…miss it. Need to buy a kit here.

    WHY did you invite him to your home? So glad you made the preparations you did…hard to imagine you with a knife in your sock but glad you both were so prepared! 🙂

  2. Holy smokes! Number one rule of craigslist is “always meet at a neutral and public location.” And I, being a ‘naturally assuming most people are nice and safe’ kind of person like you, never remembers that rule, either. Glad it worked out. Love the knife in the sock… Excellent plan, excellent.

  3. I really loved reading your story. My favorite part was learning that you placed a knife inside your sock, along your lower leg. I’m trying to imagine how you would retrieve it. The pictures in my mind are “cartoonish” and very humorous.

  4. I share your afterthought paranoia, Andrew. My dilemma before blogging was: How does one blog and remain anonymous on the Internet? Duhh! Impossible, as it defies the reason for blogging. OK, so I took a step and hoped I was not in Internet free fall. Day one, my cluster map lighted up with it’s first European red spot – Woo Hoo! Oh no, Romania! My blog is not written in Romanian. I was in the middle of reading, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and was convinced the only reason a Romanian was visiting my blog was to hack every bit of personal information on my computer. – Nothing against Romanians, it just seemed illogical. …and I would NEVER know it was happening A girl can’t be too careful! I enjoy reading your creative, light-hearted posts!

    • Your comment made me laugh. Thanks Donna! We can’t over-analyse ourselves into a frenzy. But I don’t think I’ll ever do that craigslist ‘invite someone over to do their makeup’ thing again. 😉

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